By Christy Jersin Woods, Academic/Research Chair
In my program we get the privilege of supervising masters and doctoral students for a supervision practicum course. This semester, I was assigned to a couples and family practicum supervising masters-level therapists in their second practicum. My supervision is always triadic, as our couples and family practicum practices with cotherapy teams, meaning our clients see two counselors at once. In an effort to honor the systems at work, I have two supervisee teams that I meet with for triadic supervision on a weekly basis. Given that I am in my first supervision practicum, I also make an effort to meet with each of my supervisees individually to understand how their supervision experience has been and ways I can improve as a supervisor.
Recently, I met with a supervisee in which her burning question was, “How do I balance sticking with the emotion of the family while also giving the family advice on how to fix their problem?” I was struck by her question. Surely, I’ve had that question before, and surely, I’ve had a client who just begged me to fix it. I remember clearly a client who flat out asked me, “What do I do?” and in that moment I felt compelled to fix it. I wanted to fix my client.
And that’s not all I wanted to fix.
I wanted to fix my friend’s rocky relationship with her longtime partner. I wanted to fix the way my parents related to my brother who is on the autism spectrum. I wanted to fix my mentee’s home life. I wanted to fix my partner’s anxiety and depression. I wanted to fix everything. And then at some point, one by one, I realized I couldn’t fix anyone. I could be the best friend, the best daughter, the best mentor, and the best partner and no matter my efforts, I couldn’t fix anyone. I simply couldn’t do it.
So when my supervisee asked me how to balance between letting the family sit in their despair and giving them advice on how they could fix their “problem” I asked myself, is this my supervisee’s responsibility? What is her role as a therapist? Is it to manufacture a solution to whatever her client’s problem may be? So I turned it back on her and I asked, “What is your role as someone’s therapist?” and after some debate she came up with many roles none of which included being a client’s problem solver.
And then it hit me.
It is not our responsibility to fix our clients. Just like it is not our responsibility to fix our friends, or our parents, or our mentees, or our partners.
Our responsibility is to ourselves. To build our own awareness, to address our biases, to be reflective and responsive to our clients.
We may guide our clients to the mirror, but it is up to them to look.
So let them look.
COPAGS 