Worrying is Not Your Friend

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Alex Littleton

Worrying is helpful. Worry stops bad things from happening. Worrying is a sign that I care about someone. Worrying is the responsible thing to do.

Sound familiar? Many of us have these beliefs, even though they are completely untrue.

Worrying is about control. Or put more accurately, the illusion of control. Worrying (and other forms of mental analysis) is useful when there are decisions to be made or actions to be taken. Any other form of worrying only serves to rev up anxiety.

People often overvalue worry, even though they can see the detrimental effects of it. Try giving up worry for a week and decide for yourself.

How to Give up Worrying:

First, determine if your worrying involves a decision. If yes, then make it! Extra points for quick decision making. If not – then mental analysis blocking is your friend.

In order to do this, you need to shift your attentional spotlight. Multitasking is a myth – we can only truly pay attention to one thing at a time. If your attention is on worry or other forms of mental analysis, then it’s not pointed toward things that are actually helpful (such as valued activities or self-care). The trick is learning to pivot your attentional spotlight AWAY from analysis and toward something more productive. This is where worry journaling comes in.

How to Use a Worry Journal:

  • Get yourself a journal. Keep it within reach for most of the day if possible.
  • Whenever a worried thought pops into your head, write it down (briefly), then close the journal. Don’t give that worried thought any more love or attention (DON’T worry about it)
  • Schedule a time at the end of the day to worry on purpose. Sit down, review your journal, and write for 15 minutes straight the worst case scenario of your worries. Really let your mind run wild – think worst case for tomorrow, next week, next year, and 20 years from now. This part is supposed to make you anxious – embrace the feelings without defense (and don’t do it right before bedtime).
  • After 15 minutes, close the journal and move on with your evening.
  • Rinse and repeat.

After practicing this for a couple of weeks, you may discover that worrying isn’t your friend at all, and you’re better off without it.

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